Being a gracious wife part 3...

More from Heather about being a gracious wife...

This is very convicting for me. I am on the path of being a gracious wife, but boy are there lots of rocks on this path, some sharp...

The Gracious Wife Versus the Nagging Wife.

When I think of a nag, I think of someone who is old, wrinkly, and extremely ugly. Why? Because that’s what a hag looks like (in my mind), and since the words rhyme and both describe a person (usually a female), I automatically link them together. Maybe I’m the only person in the world who does this, but… in my mind, a nag and a hag are one and the same. Perhaps that is why I realize and recognize the ugliness in nagging…

So, before we all disqualify ourselves as nags (as I would previously have done), let me define what a nag really is, according to…

Let’s start with Nag, the noun:

  1. someone (especially a woman) who annoys people by constantly finding fault
  2. a person who is not pleasant or agreeable

And now Nag, the verb:

  1. To annoy by constant scolding, complaining, or urging
  2. To scold, complain, or find fault constantly
  3. To torment persistently, as with anxiety or pain
  4. To be a constant source of anxiety or annoyance

Remember, too, that to be Gracious is to be helpful, considerate, generous, polite, and kind. How does nagging fit into that? (Hint: It doesn’t!).

If you nag at your husband… if you annoy and torment him by finding fault, being disagreeable, scolding, complaining, or urging him to do a particular thing, you are not being the wife that God has called you to be! God wants us to encourage each other, to lift each other up, not tear down. He wants us to respect our husband, and willingly submit to his authority, without grumbling and complaining. (Don’t believe me? Click on the links to see the related Scripture verses!)

So, let’s examine our lives… are we nagging our husbands? Or are we being considerate and gracious?

Here’s a simple quiz I found, and tweaked a bit to fit this subject… be honest, and see how you score!! Give yourself 1 point for each “Yes” answer…

  1. Have you told your husband you wish he made more money?
  2. Do you frequently remind your husband to pick up after himself?
  3. Do you dislike your husband’s family or friends and tell him about it?
  4. Do you criticize his bad habits?
  5. Do you contradict your husband in front of the children or your friends?
  6. Do you joke about him being “less than romantic” around friends?
  7. Do you tell him that he rarely lifts a hand to help you?
  8. Have you told your husband you wish he was more spiritual, a stronger leader, or like someone else you admire (like a Pastor or your father)?
  9. Do you stop him from eating too much or remind him not to eat certain foods?
  10. Do you force him to talk if something is bothering him?

To find out whether you are nagging your husband, add your “yes” answers, then check your total against the scoring key below.

    0-3 You’re a Gracious Wife!! Most likely, you don’t nag your husband, and I’m sure he’s grateful for that! Keep up the great work!

    4-6 You tend to nag at times, but you can improve simply by taking a close look at the questions you answered with a “yes,” then changing those things. Keep on Striving!

    7-10 You are a Nagging Wife. You tend to irritate your husband. Even if you feel that he is the one annoying you, it’s time to take a look at your own part in the unpleasantness. Look at the areas above where you answered “yes,” and strive to improve in those areas! With the Holy Spirit’s help, you can change… and your husband will notice!

I hope you found the quiz helpful, and not offensive in any way. I know that I am striving to be a Gracious wife, right along with you. Nagging is not one of the areas I struggle with personally (I scored a 1 - it used to be a 2, but I fixed that one!), but some of these other areas that I touch on this series are still a struggle for me. I want to encourage YOU, if this is YOUR struggle area, let me know, and I will pray for you. Trust me, I will be asking for prayer when it’s me struggling!!

EEK! Bakinghomesteader's confession time...I answered yes to numbers, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 9, and 10! So you see why I'm seeking to be a gracious wife? I don't do this all the time, but I still struggle with the above numbers. I am getting better, but still have A LOT to work on...


  1. This was a much needed read for me. I too struggle with nagging, and I knew when I first started reading that this one would be speaking directly to me. I answered "yes" to 7 of the 10 questions! It helps to have them specifically pointed out b/c now I realize some of the particular things that I need to change. Whew!

  2. I can sum up several of these in one statement: We are not our husband's Mama!. He is old enough to know how to eat right, etc. If he doesn't, then its not our job to tell him. Thanks for the reminders.


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