I'm not liking the constant reminders of being sick. That I should be in the hospital right now getting a treatment to give me some strength. Only I can't have the treatments because they had a very grave effect on me. I don't like being reminded I'm sick when I do dishes and drop them. I don't like being reminded I'm sick when I try to speak and my voice is too weak to sound normal. I don't like being reminded I'm sick when I can barely sit up in the evenings and now the mornings, too. I don't like being reminded I'm sick when I cannot breathe properly due to a weak diaphragm muscle. I don't like being reminded I'm sick when I get up to walk across the room and it hurts so bad because my muscles are so weak that my bones are too heavy. I plain just don't like it!
Ok...now that I got that off my chest, I am not angry at God about it. I know we live in a world where there is sickness and that's the devil's way. But, as did David, I can cry out to Him and let Him know I just don't like this.
I take this life, liking the way it is or not, and make the best of it. I push through the pain and try and rest as much as I can. (Tis hard) I bear this sickness the best I can because He is the one who allowed it. If He allowed it, then who am I to question Him? I know He has a purpose for everything in my life. I'm sure I will feel better soon even without the necessary treatment. I know He will be there to comfort me during my life of this lifelong sickness. I know He will be there to celebrate with me on days that are "normal" and I know He will be there smiling at my new body on That Day. Oh what a wonderful body that will be. :) I can appreciate it so much more because this body is broken and I long for a restored one.
So on days when my sickness has me crying out to the Lord, I tend to find the comfort He has given me to get through. Like watching the chickadees outside my window, or watching the chickens and cat eat together, or hearing the frogs at night, or smelling the corn in the fields after dusk, or brushing a horse and watching it relax, or finding joy with a first blue egg of the year, or smelling an old barn (oh how that is one of my favorites), or just feeling a fresh cool breeze on my face on a warm day. So many comforts....So many blessings.
He is good....