My heart is still heavy this morning. I am just having a hard time wrapping my mind around what happened. I went from having a relationship with my "dad" with laughter, encouragement, being there for my surgery on Thurs (which meant a lot) and finally feeling comfortable enough to talk to him, to him being cut out of our life without any warning. Just broke off. No explanation as to why it happened. Just that the relationship he had with all of us was not allowed to continue if he wanted to save his marriage. I'm assuming she didn't approve anymore and that was the end of that. So sad. Even if she changes her mind again, my husband said there is no way for our sanity that we could ever resume a relationship with him in fear of being broken again. He is trying to protect me. I think I do need protected. I guess I was naive and never saw this coming again.
This is where I have to dig down deep to find some contentment in this situation, because I am not at all content about it. But, I know that the captain and I can lean on each other to get through this once again. But, it hurts. I have all these memories in my house that remind me of our "dad" A picnic table he gave us, something he made for my birthday (which he will never be able to give me another gift), a tiny cross he made for me to have right before surgery, and gifts he made our son. (who is upset and confused) I will cherish them all, but it just hurts to be reminded of the love he shared with us, knowing he will never be able to express that again this side of heaven. I hurt for him. He won't know my test results if they are positive or negative. He won't be able to have any part of the next phase in my life. :(
I know time heals a lot of wounds and this will take time to heal. My husband isn't as upset as he said he knew this day would come. I had more hope I guess...
I won't write about this situation again. I can't. I have to move forward and it is difficult if I write about it. I have a lot to work on such as being angry that this is happening again and to be content with something I have no control over. It's been a rough few months in this household. We are struck down, but not destroyed.
"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed , but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." 1 Cor 4:8-10