A good day!

A good day!

Friday, January 29, 2010

Weekend break...

Taking a break from blogging this weekend...I have a lot on my mind and I can't really gather words together to post.

See ya Monday...

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Dessert and lessons...


These are Gooey Turtle Bars I adapted from "Eat at Home's" blog. I made mine gluten free and took them to small group. They turned out pretty good so I thought I'd share...

1 Box gluten free yellow cake mix
1/3 c milk
6 T melted butter
1/2 c pecans
choc chips
caramel sauce
Preheat oven to 350. Mix box mix, milk, and butter together. Pour 1/2 of batter into an 8x8 pan. Bake for 15 min. Take out and sprinkle with choc chips, 1/4c pecans, and caramel sauce. Spoon other 1/2 of batter on top and bake for 15 more min. Take out and sprinkle more choc chips, pecans, and caramel sauce on top. Let cool then cut.




Wives, I want you to know just how much influence we have on our husbands...good and bad. God created us to be our husbands HELPMEET. We are to support, love, care for, nurture, and submit to him. When we fall out of line with what God has created us to do/be, there are dire consequences. We become overpowering, bitter, and hardhearted. Not a good place to be. It may even cause our husbands to become stressed, anxious, and timid when we become those things.

If this is you (and has been me at times) I encourage you to STOP and look at yourself soberly. What you see may hurt, but it won't last forever. God can help you become the woman He has meant for you to be. A loving, tenderhearted, submissive woman. I have found great enjoyment in being that woman. I know I am pleasing GOD when I follow biblical principles. I'm not saying it's easy...it can be very difficult at first. As women, we have a rebellious spirit that tries to resist what God has intended. But, if we set self aside and look at the whole picture in what God is trying to accomplish, it will be easier.

I realize more and more just how important it is to be the wife God has created me to be. I strive everyday to be better at being a GOOD helpmeet to my husband. I thank God He is willing to direct me and I am willing to be directed. I pray God continues to tenderize my heart and allow that nurturing, loving spirit in me to come forth and spill over into my home.

Monday, January 25, 2010

Alone time with God...

“We can be tired, weary and emotionally distraught, but after spending time alone with God, we find that He injects into our bodies energy, power and strength.” Charles Stanley

It can take all we have to fight where it seems we just have an ounce of fight left, but GOD sustains us and fills us with the strength to keep going. I have experienced this many times during my life. Each thing fought for was worth the sheer exhaustion of the fight. I have fought for my life, my health, love, family, and convictions. I would like to encourage you to not give up. There may come a time where you feel like that's the only thing left to do. I have felt like that, too. But, we must press on. We can gain more strength from God. Like Charles Stanley said, we can do that by spending time alone with God. That quiet alone time can refuel us. Being alone with God gets our minds refocused to His will. It helps us remember what we are fighting for...

We replaced a ceiling fan today...which became more of a project that we thought. My husband called a friend to come help him put it in. He did and we were very grateful. It's nice to have friends you can call to help with such things. :) I pasteurized some milk today, cleaned, and did a bit of laundry. I don't feel like I've been accomplishing much lately. I have spent a lot of my energy on fighting for some things. I have been fighting for my health lately. I go to my neurologist next month, but I may end up going in sooner if things don't shape up. I have had much difficulty with swallowing and some weakness. I've been getting along ok, so that is good. I know the good Lord has sustained me and will continue to until He chooses not to. I will continue to serve Him with the strength He provides me. :)

Hoping to get some more things done tomorrow...I have some errands to run along with more cleaning. I was hoping the sun would come out, but it doesn't look like it will. It's been over 2 weeks. :( It's snowy and windy tonight. I can hear the wind howling out back. It makes the woodstove all the more cozy to me. Enjoying it very much tonight...

Praying everyone's evening is going well. I hope you get to have that alone time with God to refocus on what you're fighting for in your life...and to praise God for giving you the strength to press on.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Saturday...

Woke up to another dreary day. :( It's kinda weird, really. The sun has been hidden for about 2 weeks. The same amount of time my heart has been saddened. Oh, don't worry, there is Sonshine in my heart. Of which I am truly thankful. But, there are also clouds. Clouds of confusion, clouds of anticipation, clouds of wondering. But, there is Sonshine of hope, Sonshine of comfort, and Sonshine of love, also. :)

My heart will be so glad when the sun begins to shine again. I appreciate the beauty of a sunrise even more so after I lost my sight for a bit. I will wait eagerly for it to return. I have learned that I wouldn't make it in say Washington or the East Coast. Give me the West. :) Like Montana (Big Sky) :) I will visit there someday, Lord willing. That's something I've always wanted to do.

Not a whole lot going on today...just folding laundry and then this afternoon we are headed to Champaign for a concert with friends. There will be Third Day, Newsboys, Tenth Avenue North, NewSong, and a few more. Only $10. :) Should be a great time of worship!

Here is a prayer request...pray that I will be able to continue to be myself. It seems my doing so can upset the applecart at times. I am very different from most women and it's not always accepted. My husband says the fact I'm not like the "mainstream" woman can put off other women. I do have friends that understand me, which I am grateful for. I just don't want to lose how God wired me to be. My heart is old fashioned and simple.

I pray everyone has a great weekend. I continue to pray for a mighty work to be done in our lives...only God knows.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

I'm a fighter...



I am a fighter...I have fought for a lot of things and I still continue to fight for some things...I will continue to do so until the good Lord says I need not fight anymore...The Lord is a fighter, too. He is a warrior and mighty in battle. He fights on our behalf so much.

I continue to get up everyday and face weakness. I continue to strive to be a good wife and the woman God has created me to be. I continue to strive to be a good mom to a quirky 12 yr old boy. ;) And I will always continue to strive to be a good daughter...

I still have a lot to learn...I'm glad that He has put in me a heart to learn and a heart to love. Faith, hope, and love. The greatest is love...

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

In a haze...

Ever feel like you're in a haze? The past week and a half, I have felt like that. My husband has asked today that I move on for now and snap out of my haze. I took some steps today to do just that. I don't like for him to feel like I'm overwhelmed so much. I am getting better at dealing with it, but it is just so unreal that it feels like an awful dream. But, it's not and I have to deal with it whether I was ready for it or not. I have just felt so lost and my actions have reflected that. I'll just walk around the house and forget what I was doing or just stare off into space for a bit. I'm coming out of the haze to the gladness of my husband. I know he was getting worried about me...

The weather here has just been dreadful! It has been foggy still and now today is icy rain, too. :( A fire has been started in the woodstove this morning after being out for a day due to a repair. So glad to have it up and running again! I feels sooo good. Tomorrow I plan on doing some laundry, pasteurizing some milk, and maybe even baking. I haven't baked in forever. Haven't really felt like it.

I know that no matter how stormy and cloudy life gets, there is always the Son shining. We can be honest with God and tell Him just how we feel, David did. He is there to listen and have compassion on us. I know it hurts Him to see His children suffer, but I know it also brings Him great joy to see His children standing firm in His truth and comfort. He wants us to cling to Him and allow Him to bring us out of the depths of despair. Even though there is a lot of uncertainty, one thing's for certain...love remains.

Take a deep breath, listen, and rest in His comfort. It's all we can do sometimes...and something we should do more often. (This thought just came to me) That happens when we listen to that still small voice...

Monday, January 18, 2010

Exhaustion...

has settled in again today. Wow...who knew the refiner's fire could take so much out of you. My eyes have been extremely dim/weak today starting this morning, which wasn't good because I had to be at church for an extended period of time entering in data on the computer. It proved to be difficult, but it got done and without a hitch. The remainder of the time we stuffed end of the year envelopes. I'm pretty wore out, but not near as bad as Tuesday. I woke up Tuesday almost unable to walk. My arms and legs were just so weak. I had a very difficult time breathing, too. I told my husband I might have to go to the hospital if it didn't get better. Thankfully, as the day went on it got better. Whew! I had a lot of uncertainty in my heart and I think it got the better of me that day. I am thankful today that my heart was eased knowing through all this chaos, some things still remain the same.

The weather here the last few days has been dreadful! It has been foggy and drizzly. Ugh. But, on a positive note, it has been mild temperature wise. My girls have been laying so much better lately. I got 5 eggs today and 7 the other day. Much better after their drop off from 1 or 2.

I'm enjoying the woodstove very much today. It feels so good on days like this. Due to my exhaustion today, we're just going to have chili I thawed out from the freezer. Easy peasy. :) I'm praying tomorrow is a much better day physically. Spiritually, God has given me a strength to which only He could give. I'm a fighter. :) I will fight for as long as God wants me to...physically and emotionally. Thankful for a husband who has been there for encouragement and also for friends. Praying for so many tonight...

Saturday, January 16, 2010

Making a difference...

“The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be useful, to be honorable, to be compassionate, to have it make some difference that you have lived and lived well.” Ralph Waldo Emerson


I pray I have made a difference in someone's life in my 34 yrs. And as my life continues on through the years (Lord willing and the creek don't rise) that I may continue to reach people with the love of God and my life was not for nothing. I pray the love I have shown to others has made an impact on the Kingdom. I pray that simplicity of my life has opened the eyes of others to see the beauty of the Lord and to slow down and enjoy all He has for us.

Each one of our lives can impact so many. What difference are we making? What are we learning? Who are we impacting? What are we teaching with our lives? Many good questions...

Are we open enough to learn from what God has put in our lives? Are we strong enough to withstand trials that produce a refining? Because gold is only refined by fire. And fire hurts. I am willing to withstand if it shapes me to be more like Christ and to be more of an impact on the Kingdom in some way. Withstanding doesn't come easy...it will break you down until you think you can't take anymore. That is when the good Lord starts to mold you and build you back up. Praise God for His mercy and strength and care. And after the trial, you will have a new knowledge that only God could have given, not man. You will see more clearly the purpose of the hurt...for every hurt has a purpose. God creates a new purpose from the old...

Friday, January 15, 2010

Well...ok

I'm done with expressing what's on my heart. I don't want to be a stumbling block. I don't expect everyone to understand why I hurt as much as I do. But, its simple. I had a someone step in the gap and be the dad I never had and now I don't. I may have been a little over expressive with my feelings...I'm a human being. I believe you can hurt and lean on God at the same time. You can hurt and forgive at the same time. (Which I have forgiven) I realize maybe I shouldn't have hurt as much as I did after losing a dad again. He is just a dad. After all, it's not the end of the world, right? I will get over this whole ordeal with the Lord's help once again. God is good...always. I don't like what happened. But, it's not about me anyway....

Moving on....

My husband is out hunting today. He didn't see anything this morning while he was out. He's hoping that will change this afternoon. We took Hunter to camera club last night and it was very informative. He did get tired after the 1st hour (1 1/2 hour to 2 hour meeting) But, he perked up after he understood what they were saying. It's pretty advanced even for us. LOL.

Not doing much today except laundry, which there is a ton to fold. Seems there always is...I'm pretty sore from cleaning the coop yesterday. But, like all pain, that too will get better as time goes on. I will just rest by the woodstove today and keep warm. For some reason, I'm just so chilly today.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Good evening...

I think I got a lot done today despite my weakness. I cleaned the chicken coop, which took 7 trips to the garden with the wheelbarrow. That tuckered me out and caused some shaky weakness, but I'm feeling better. Taking Hunter to his first meeting at a camera club. He's pretty excited about that. He has struggled with the past events with confusion and sadness. Poor guy is praying all the time for him to have a grandpa again. I keep telling him if it's the Lord's will...He seems in better spirits today...

It is hard not knowing how my dad feels. I can't talk to him. I don't even know if I should be calling him that anymore to myself. I don't know if he even wants me anymore due to the circumstances. I don't know how he feels in his heart about it all. That's the hard part. I know in my heart he will always be my dad even if it comes to him not being able to anymore. I would be happy with any relationship I could have with him. I'm praying it's not severed forever....if it's the Lord's will. (have to tell myself that, too) I miss him. :(

Tomorrow I hope to get the laundry put up and relax most of the day. Saturday we are having dinner guests and I don't want to be totally wiped out when they're here. I did get good sleep last night so that's a start of getting more energy back. I trust in the Lord and because of this "loss" I am able to know that I actually do trust Him. Not just feel like I do or would. I do. But, you know what's hard? Waiting...but wait, I shall...

"He will have no fear of bad news;
his heart is steadfast, trusting in the Lord." Psalm 112:7

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

God is so good...

I got to spend some time with friends tonight and I came away with peace. God has given me wisdom and peace tonight about this situation. I have joy that can only be given by Him. It surpasses all understanding. I need to put the interest of others before my own. I need to understand where she is coming from and be open. I'm going to allow for time and space in this matter and let God do His work. I will be patient and be at peace with whatever decision is made in the end. I know God is in it and He will reveal His purpose in this situation and how he wants the father/daughter relationship to proceed or if it should cease. Only He knows. In time, we all will know. I do know this, I have been blessed with a peace about it whichever way He chooses for it to go. I am so thankful for that comfort that He has given. He is good. :) Thank you all for your prayers. I feel the comfort and wisdom they have brought...

Picking up the pieces...

I have hurt more in the last few days than I have in a while. It's a hurt that I can't understand, but I have no choice but to accept. It is hard to understand how being loved as a daughter in a Godly way that has brought tremendous joy to my life can be taken away so fast it would make your head spin. One minute, ok. The next, disaster. It just sent me reeling. But, if what I feel God has put into motion has caused upset, then by no means do I want to be party to someone else's upset. I don't want to cause strife. I will sacrifice the love I can show to my dad so someone else can be happy. I still believe in my heart that God has orchestrated this relationship to bring back the years the locust have eaten from me not having a dad and for so many other reasons. I have found in him what I didn't have in my dads. Love and a father/daughter bond. If God so chooses this to change and become whole again, then it will. Otherwise, He has only given it for a time and then allowed it to be ripped away. Why it was ripped away so abruptly, I'll never know. But, I will continue to trust in Him and have the strength to not cry every time I look at what he made me for my birthday. I will treasure it always. I will wait upon the Lord to see what the future holds for this relationship. Whatever happens, I pray He is glorified.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Still hard...

I woke up this morning with my stomach in knots. Well, it's been in knots really ever since Sunday. I'm trying really hard to keep it calm. My heart just aches so much. I don't wish this sort of pain on anyone. It's just hard for me to understand that someone can allow unnecessary insecurities to devastate other's lives. I feel like my heart has been ripped from my body. My heart aches to be able to talk to my dad and hug him. I'm praying that her heart will see the truth and not the lies satan has deceived her with. I pray she will grow spiritually through this and come to know that him being a dad to us is ok. It's Godly. It's purposeful. It's love.

Please continue to pray that my heart won't ache so much and that I can have peace in my heart. Yesterday was good and I had most of the day with peace and comfort. I know this can be worked out if hearts are open. Hoping that someday soon I'll be able to talk to and hug my dad again. My heart is broken, but the Lord will see me through as He has in the past. He is good....even when circumstances aren't. I will be ok....but, right now it just hurts still. I love my dad very much. Praying he will be able to return that love to his daughter again someday.

When I am afraid, I will trust in you. Psalm 56:3

Monday, January 11, 2010

Hanging in there...

I just wanted to say THANK YOU to all of you that have prayed for me and my family during this hard time. I am hanging in there. I find comfort in your prayers and a lot of scripture that I have found. My heart has been torn, but I have hope that God will allow me to have my dad back. He gave me this gift and I don't believe He did that just to take it away. BUT, if He did, I will still praise Him and thank Him for what He did give. I pray that the relationship between my dad and I will be restored and his marriage will be stronger through this ordeal. I know I can't contact him and I miss him. :(

Praying for a mighty work to be done in our lives...

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Hard times...

I am going to be real....

I am having a bit of a hard time right now...

There are some things going on with family that is confusing and it is breaking my heart. I don't know all the details, but we are praying through it. My heart aches for the unknown and I've just cried. I am leaning on the Lord for him to comfort me during this time of uncertainty.

The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Ps 34:18

*UPDATE*
Found out tonight that I can no longer call who I've come to love as a dad "dad" anymore. His wife has become uncomfortable with it and it has worn on their marriage. I respect her wishes. It's been a really emotional, hard night. I know God will be there even if I don't/can't have a dad anymore. :( My heart is just broken into a million pieces. I have lost a dad all over again. (praying it's temporary) I wish she would/could understand. For a while I got to be a daughter again...I will cherish those times in my heart and hold on to them. I'm just hurting so much right now....

Be merciful to me, O LORD, for I am in distress; my eyes grow weak with sorrow, my soul and my body with grief. Psalm 31:9

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Pasteurizing milk and cream...


Yesterday I pasteurized some milk and cream. It is really easy to do yourself. You just heat up the milk to 161 degrees and hold it for 15 sec and then immediately cool by putting the pan in a sink full of ice or do like I did and set it out in the snow where it's only 5 degrees out. :)



Going to make cheese and butter today...

Monday, January 4, 2010

What are you striving for?

I'm just curious as to what others strive for...

Do you have something in mind? Think about it...

Do you reach what you are striving for...or do you fall short of your goal?

Like I said, I'm just curious...

I'm striving for Ephesians 4:22-24

22"You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness."

Can I reach this goal? I would like to hope so...Have I reached it yet? No...but, I am striving for it. It is very difficult to be made new in the attitude of your minds. Our minds can get into such a habit of negative thinking or "same ole" thinking. It takes effort, it doesn't just happen. It takes acting instead of reacting...It takes hiding God's Word in our heart that we might not sin against Him...

And how do we know if we've reached the goal we're striving for? Opportunities and trials. If we are not faced with these, we will never know if we are rid of our old habit. We won't be able to test it out so to speak.

If you are striving to become more like Christ, you will never fully reach our goal until your last breath. So keep your head up and take every opportunity He gives you to "test" out your new tools that are shaping you to be more like Christ.

STRIVE NOT Pictures, Images and Photos

Friday, January 1, 2010

Slowwww downnnn....

Live a Simple Life


January is here and it's a time of a slower paced life for us. These last couple months have been a whirlwind...I enjoyed them a lot, but my nature is for a more slower paced, simple life. When I say slower paced I mean staying home, relaxing, puttering around the house, trying new recipes, making cheese, making good wholesome warm meals, chatting with friends and family (love facebook :)), thinking about what to plant this year, etc.

When I say simple, that doesn't mean easy...it's getting wood gathered for the woodstove, cleaning the chicken coop, making cheese, etc. Simple is no overindulgence, no fancy meals with weird ingredients, using what you have, saving for what you don't, not being too busy for the Lord, and no hustle and bustle. Just enjoying life and taking it in and not letting it whiz by. It's loving others deeply and growing closer to them.

God has created in me an old fashioned personality and I am really glad for it. :) I am very content. :)

I encourage everyone to slow down this winter and ponder the Lord in your heart. Seek His face, crave His word, and ask Him what He wants you to do for His kingdom. In order to do that, we need to slowww downnn. :)

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"There is no place like a farm for raising children, where they can have in such abundance the fresh air and sunshine, with pure living water, good wholesome food and a happy outdoor life" -Laura Ingalls Wilder