A good day!

A good day!

Sunday, October 31, 2010

It's my birthday...some things I've learned these 35 yrs

When I was young I learned that life wasn’t always easy.  I was a bit thin and pale and was quickly made fun of being called albino girl, chicken legs, etc.  Of course that hurt.  But, it made me realize that life wasn’t always kind.  I would lay in my bed at night and talk to God.  A God I hardly knew.  One that I created characteristics about in my mind.  He was a kind person, compassionate, and loving.  I would picture Him seated on a throne and me bowing down at His feet pouring my heart out to Him.  I would ask for forgiveness for the bad things I did.  He would reach down and take my hand and lift me up from bowing at His feet and say, “Come my child” and He would seat me on His lap and hug me.  I would bury my face in His chest and cry in amazement of such a loving, caring God.  He would smile.

Since those childhood days, I lost track of Him for a while.  I grew up.  I forgot about our nightly talks.  I met my husband and we were busy getting to know one another, getting married, and then having Hunter.  It was after this that I began to wonder about Him again.  My pregnancy was high risk and there was a chance that I wouldn’t be able to carry him due to my frailty at the time.  I would pray about it.  I did go preterm labor, but it was able to be stopped and I ended up having him on time.  Ryan and I began to wonder more about God after I got sick after Hunter was born.  I was diagnosed with Myasthenia Gravis which is an incurable neuromuscular disease.  I had a treatment for it that went bad and I was hospitalized for 10 days in pure agony wondering why God didn’t take me out of my misery.  I wanted to be delivered from the pain either by death or by it being relieved.  I begged God everyday and He didn’t seem to hear me.  Finally, one day I woke up and the pain was graciously gone.   It was then I started to learn that there is grace in suffering.

My life has had it’s share.  I was sexually abused as a child, my biological dad didn’t want me, I was made fun of, left out, in pain, sick,my step-dad was killed, had to deal with cancer, etc.  But each trial made me stronger and refined me.  It taught me a very important lesson in forgiveness.  I was able to forgive my abusers with God’s grace.  He had molded me, shaped me, and refined me for just such a thing.  Through all these trials I learned to grow closer to the God I had pictured when I was a child.  I had developed an intimate relationship with Him.  Over the years of suffering, He had strengthened me.  And He continues to…

New trials and new heartache come every year.  It’s not easy.  If fact it can be downright hard.  The loss of the relationship with my “dad“, this last event of cancer, surgery, and recovery has been a bit hard.  But, God has been right there with me, holding me on His lap and letting me cry into His chest.   What a wonderful, compassionate, loving, kind God we serve!  And there is a day, when my time has come to an end here, I will get to see Him face to face and be able to bow at His feet.

I am thankful for every birthday that He blesses me with.  It’s another year to grow closer to Him and learn more of His love through suffering.  I want to be an encouragement to others and live my life in a way that my “dad” would be proud of and in a way that my heavenly Father would be blessed by.  It is He who carries me…

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Halloween...no thanks.


Where did it begin?
It began over 2000 yrs ago with people known as the Celtics. They lived in what is today England, Ireland, Scotland and Wales. This was also the beginning of the Celtic new year, a time to give thanks to the sun god for the harvest.
What is it all about?
Halloween, All saints day, All hallows eve or All souls day is a festival. It was held to honor the Samhain the so called "lord of death". It was a Druidical belief that on the eve of this festival Samhain, lord of death, called together the wicked spirits that within the past 12 months had been condemned to inhabit the bodies of animals.
It was a pagan belief that on one night of the year the souls of the dead return to their original homes, there to be entertained with food. If food and shelter were not provided, these evil spirits would cast spells and cause havoc toward those failing to fulfill their requests.
Sacrifices were offered on this night to the dead spirits because it was thought they visited their earthly dwellings and former friends.
There was a prevailing belief among all nations that at death the souls of the good men were taken possession of by good spirits and carried to paradise; but the souls of the wicked men were left to wonder in the space between the earth and the moon, or consigned to the unseen world. These wandering spirits were in the habit of haunting the living...But there were means by which ghosts might be exorcised.
To exorcise these ghosts, that is to free yourself from their evil sway, you would have to set out food and provide shelter for them during the night. If they were satisfied with your offerings, they would leave you in peace. If not, they were believed to cast an evil spell on you.
In modern day Satanism and Witchcraft covens, this is the day when Satan himself comes to "fellowship" with his followers. Many changes have occurred over the centuries, but one thing ha stayed the same, the practice of giving an "offering" has stayed the same. Oh we do it under the name of fun but what is the real meaning? Is it still the same as in the old days? I say the answer is YES.
The Christian Connection
The celebration in the Roman Catholic Church, which was later to merge with Samhain, was known as All Saints' Day. All Saints' Day originated in the 7th century when the Pantheon at Rome was wrested from the barbarians, made into a cathedral, and renamed the Church of the Blessed Virgin and All Martyrs. Thus, from honoring "all gods" (which is the meaning of the Greek word "pantheon") the Pantheon became the center for glorifying all saints.
This day that honored all the "hallowed" saints was first observed on the evening of May 13, and was known as the All hallows festival. The day was officially authorized in 835 by Pope Gregory IV after it was moved to November 1 to coincide with Samhain. It began on the evening of October 31, which was called All Hallows Eve.
Thus, without forcing the pagans to drop their pagan practices and accept Christianity, the Roman Catholic church merely made room to accommodate the barbarians.
Just as it confiscated the pagan Pantheon for its own uses, this church incorporated the customs of Samhain to further its mission to convert the known world to Catholicism.
The two celebrations made strange bedfellows: one in respect of evil spirits, the other honoring "saints."
Nevertheless, the joining of the two celebrations produced a hybrid of beliefs about what was supposed to happen in the spirit world. Souls in purgatory appeared as witches and toads to persons who had wronged them. Halloween fires took on a new meaning and now were used to comfort souls in purgatory as people prayed while holding burning straw in the air.
Even the idea of trick-or-treating by evil spirits took on an acceptable church flavor: costumed children went around on All Souls Day offering to fast for the departed souls in return for money or an offering.
As the Celts converted to the new religion, they did not forget their stories of the dead traveling to the afterworld on Halloween. Rather, exhibitions of this night became more evil and the observance adopted even more malicious overtones.
Where do Witches, Black cats and Jack-O-Lanterns fit in?
In America it's a pumpkin, but in Europe it was often a turnip, large beet, potato, rutabaga or even a skull with a candle in it. The fearsome face of the jack-o-lantern was representative of the god of the dead, Shamin, who would drive off less powerful evil spirits abroad that night.  As glimmering lights flickered over an English marsh or an Irish bog, people imagined dead souls had returned to earth. They would place the jack-o-lantern on posts and in windows to ward off the spirits of the dead on Halloween.
The word jack-o-Lantern is an abbreviation of "Jack of the Lantern." Jack is another name for joker or Satan. In the Irish tale, a man named Jack was fond of playing tricks on the devil. Annoyed, the devil tossed Jack a burning coal from hell. With the coal in his "lantern" Jack was condemned to walk the earth forever searching for rest.
The jack-o-lantern is a Halloween idol that keeps alive an ancient symbol of demonic superstition.
Witches and Black Cats
 A pagan practice that was not eradicated upon the coming of Christianity was witchcraft. The word "witch" comes from the Anglo-Saxon Wicca, or "wise one." Witches were thought to be possessors of magic.
Witches, who worship the deities of nature, have living talismans or symbols through which they derive their dark powers. They invoke evil spirits to enter the bodies of their talismans. Some have dogs, owls, snakes or swine for their talismans, but the most common are cats.
The broomstick is a symbol of the male organ, on which the witch mounts and leaps high around the fields to "teach" the crops how high to grow. The notion of flying witches relates to the fact that witches believed they could fly great distances to their feasts by smearing their bodies with ointments containing drugs. The drugs gave them psychedelic "trips" making them think they flew.
Witchcraft is demonic worship in diametric opposition to the worship of the Heavenly Father Yahweh. Yahweh minces no words about it. He told Israel through Moses, "Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live" (Ex. 22:18). He says in Deuteronomy 18:10, "There shall not be found among you any one that makes his son or his daughter to pass through the fire, or that uses divination, or an observer of times, or an enchanter, or a witch."
Cats have been closely associated with mystery religion from the Egyptians to the Norse. But the Celts had a particular fear of cats, believing they were humans who had been changed into feline form by evil powers. The black cat particularly was connected to demonic powers.
Black cats are the chief idol of the goddess of Wicca, Diana. In legend, she turns into a black cat to commit incest with her brother, Lucifer. Eventually the Druids themselves came to be regarded as witches. Witch hunting during Halloween became almost a national pastime in the colonial years of our nation. But that was yesterday. Halloween is regarded as the high "Sabbath" for practicing witches today.
Orange, black, and red, the devil's colors, are the colors associated with Halloween. Black prefigures black magic and demonic influence. The black of night is when these forces of evil are busiest, using the cover of darkness for their sinister works.
Skulls and Skeletons
The skeleton is a form of the god of the dead, the witches' "horned god." The Dictionary of Satanism by Wade Baskin says this about skulls and skeletons under "skull worship": "Skulls play an important role as sacred relics and as objects of worship among primitives. Among Polynesians and Melanesians, skulls of ancestors are worshiped in order to establish connections with the spirits of the dead. Like the head of Osiris in Egypt, the skulls of ancestors may also serve as tutelar deities. The head or its parts, each of which may stand for the whole, can be used as magical food or as a means of increasing the fertility of the soil." Under "Skull," the Dictionary of Lore and Legend says, "Symbol of death, often with crossed bones beneath."
Fire Rites
Being that Halloween is a Celtic new year's festival, many of its surviving rituals trace to the Celtic feast. The fire rite was practiced in many areas around the world on the night before the new year. The old fire was allowed to go out and a new one was kindled—usually a sacred fire from which the fires of the village were relit. The fires were thought to rejuvenate the waning sun and aid in banishing evil spirits. The Druids built hilltop fires to celebrate important festivals. Ghosts and witches feared fire, it was thought, and so fire became the best weapon against evil spirits. Witchcraft was punished by burning at the stake, fire being used as a means purification. The light that fires gave off was a sign of sacredness.
Apple Bobbing
Popular at Halloween parties is apple bobbing. It was a means of divination among the Druids and survives in cultures influenced by the Celts. Because the apple is also a common love charm, the practice of ducking for apples seems to have been associated with the selection of a lover. Apple bobbing was originally a fertility rite deriving from the Christmas observance, which was replete with various fertility rites.
  Is Halloween a TRICK or TREAT?
Most absolutely a TRICK. As you can see from all the above the real meaning of Halloween has been watered down. It is Satan's objective to get all to worship him. God tells us to not have any thing to do with this.
1 Peter 5:8   Be sober, be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking some one to devour.
1Thessalonians 5:22  Abstain from all appearance of evil.
1Timothy 4:1   Now the Spirit expressly says that in later times some will depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits and doctrines of demons.

Chocolate Chip Pumpkin Bread (gluten free)

1 2/3 c gluten free flour blend
3/4 t baking powder
1 t baking soda
3/4 t salt
1 t pumpkin spice
1/2 t cinnamon
1/2 c canola oil
1/4 c brown sugar
1/2 c white sugar (I use natural raw sugar)
2 eggs
1 c pumpkin
1/3 c water
1 t vanillla
1 c dark chocolate chips (I use Ghiradella dark)

Mix wet ingredients and add dry. Stir in chips.  Bake in 9 x 5 pan at 350 for 60-70 min or until toothpick comes out clean.  This was yummy!

Friday, October 29, 2010

"I Am Woman Hear Me Roar"--The Feminist's Battlecry

This post is from "A Wise Woman Builds Her Home" and I wanted to share it with you....

Not long ago I taught a woman's Bible study on the topic of Deception and Discernment and wanted to share a bit of that with you:

One of the most infamous and well-known quotes of the century for woman:

"I am woman, hear me roar!"

The world has colorfully painted a picture of what women should look like in today's world. Images are splashed upon the trendy magazines with pictures of women in suits, holding briefcases in heels, dropping off their wee ones to daycare before the stop off at Starbucks for their daily hit of java. Celebrity magazines have their starlets portrayed as loud, scantily clad seductresses with instructional articles encouraging us how to dress and be like them--and who can ignore the mommy magazines that are shouting from the rooftops about how we can have it all.

But I am here to share with you that this is not true. It is lies. It is deception. It has taken me a life time to unlearn these very messages that have bombarded me as women since day one. Happiness and true success is not found in those pursuits, but is found in Christ alone. Instead of living up to this mentality of the "I am woman, hear me roar" generation,  the Christian woman needs to live exactly the opposite. In fact, what she needs to be living out is this:

"I am the Lords, and I come in meekness to exalt Him."

We cannot allow television to set the standard for us. Nor media, or culture or the feminist movement. Have you thought about what is making you discontent lately? There is probably a lie lurking deep inside somewhere. A lie we learned from the world  that we are believing and blindly and tearing down our precious homes in the process.

But we need to be sober because the days are evil. We are called to be sober-minded in Titus 2. We are to build up our homes and we can do that with proper, right thinking. Phillipians 4:8 reminds us...

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."

Women are more easily deceived, so we must be on our guard. The first woman targeted in the Bible was Eve and that is still happening today. We are Eve's daughters, but we must not allow Satan to continue his lies with this generation, because we have learned our lesson.

There are many broken homes and relationships left in the aftermath of those lies today,
but with God we can restore the ruins and build on it the firm foundation
that is not rooted in false worldly philosophies
but from TRUTH found through Jesus Christ alone.

Thursday, October 28, 2010


I'm feeling fairly well this morning and I am going to do some baking! :)  I still can't drive yet and the captain hasn't been to the store this week, so I wasn't able to get any blueberries.  I was really wanting to make some blueberry muffins because I just had a hankerin' for them.  So, instead, I'm going to make chocolate chip pumpkin bread.  I have what I need for it and it's fall after all. :)  If it turns out good I'll post a picture and a recipe. :)

It was really nice to get out of the house yesterday.  It seemed strange at first, all the noises, people, etc, but I quickly got used to it again.  I am excited to get back to church Sunday after missing a couple.  It will be nice to worship with fellow believers again.  It's also my birthday that day...:)

Here is a piece from the book "Streams in the Desert" that I liked today...

"He shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver." Malachi 3:3
"The old refiner never leaves his crucible, but sits down by it, lest there should be one excessive degree of heat to mar the metal.  But, as soon as he skims from the surface the last of the dross, and sees his own face reflected, he puts out the fire."

God wants to purify us...pure and simple.  He wants to see His reflection in us.  In order to do that, the precious metal that we are, needs to be subjected to the fire.  Trials and pain, are what purify us.  Getting through such things in a godly way, brings us closer to purification.  Once God see His own reflection in us, He doesn't tarry in putting out the fire.  He is merciful and compassionate.  He loves us enough to allow us to hurt a little while, so that we will be without pain in the end.  For eternity.  There is a day...Praise!

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

All done at the doc...

Had to wait over an hour to see her...ain't that just the way...lol.  She inspected my incisions and said they looked good.  The one on the right has a bit of swelling under it from the internal stitch, but she said it should get better in a month or so.  I did have to have an xray to make sure my right ureter wasn't damaged during surgery.  Please pray with me that it's not...I really don't want another surgery to fix it.  I am allowed to BAKE again. :)  I'm just supposed to not overdo it...that will be hard, but I'll do it because I want to heal properly. :)  Thank you for your continued prayers for me and my family.  They are much appreciated.

I'm breaking out!

Of the house that is. :)  My follow up appointment for the surgery is this afternoon. :)  This will be the first time I have left the house in 13 days...wow.  I still have pain and soreness and I'm hoping that she will tell me that I am healing properly.  I'm wondering if she is going to lift some restrictions.  I haven't been able to cook/bake this whole time and I would love to bake some blueberry muffins.  It is hard to stand in the kitchen at the stove right now though.  Lots of pressure on my stitched areas...

Ryan and Hunter have done a good job allowing me to heal these two weeks...unfortunately, I have at least 4 more to go.  I will take it easy though.  I am actually enjoying this time of rest.  I think I've needed it for a long time.  It's been good for me.

I want to encourage those who are going through hard times...We all are facing something in our life, whether it be health, finances, strained marriage, broken relationships, etc.  God gives us strength to continue through the trial.  I know from experience.  Keep going.  It's ok to stop and take a break, but don't stay there.  Seek Him and His righteousness and stand firm in truth.  We can feel beat down and defeated, and we may very well be, but we are not destroyed.  I say all this as a reminder for myself.  I am finding peace and hope in my suffering.  It has made my relationship with the Creator much more intimate.  He is good and He never forsakes us.

Some things never change...

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Hope thou in God...

Cast Down
"Why art thou cast down, O my soul" (Ps. 43:5).
Is there ever any ground to be cast down? There are two reasons, but only two. If we are as yet unconverted, we have ground to be cast down; or if we have been converted and live in sin, then we are rightly cast down.
But except for these two things there is no ground to be cast down, for all else may be brought before God in prayer with supplication and thanksgiving. And regarding all our necessities, all our difficulties, all our trials, we may exercise faith in the power of God, and in the love of God.
"Hope thou in God." Oh, remember this: There is never a time when we may not hope in God. Whatever our necessities, however great our difficulties, and though to all appearance help is impossible, yet our business is to hope in God, and it will be found that it is not in vain. In the Lord's own time help will come.
Oh, the hundreds, yea, the thousands of times that I have found it thus within the past seventy years and four months!
When it seemed impossible that help could come, help did come; for God has His own resources. He is not confined. In ten thousand different ways, and at ten thousand different times God may help us.
Our business is to spread our cases before the Lord, in childlike simplicity to pour out all our heart before God, saying,
"I do not deserve that Thou shouldst hear me and answer my requests, but for the sake of my precious Lord Jesus; for His sake answer my prayer, and give me grace quietly to wait till it please Thee to answer my prayer. For I believe Thou wilt do it in Thine own time and way."
"For I shall yet praise him." More prayer, more exercise of faith, more patient waiting, and the result will be blessing, abundant blessing. Thus I have found it many hundreds of times, and therefore I continually say to myself, "Hope thou in God."  --George Mueller

Monday, October 25, 2010

Feeling better...

I am having less pain today. :) Yay!  My energy level has been pretty good this whole time, which makes it harder to rest and not do anything.  But, my husband has been very adamant about me healing properly and won't let me do anything (not supposed to yet)  I'm glad for his patience and help during this time. :)

The weather lately has been just beautiful! It is going to be 80 again today.  I'll take that for now. :)  There was a pretty mist in the field again this morning.  It's a still morning and very peaceful...

It's been interesting the different countries that stop by my blog...The UK, Botswana, Estonia, Australia, Canada, Argentina, and Brazil, just to mention a few, along with all over the US. :)  It's neat to be able to reach so many different people with a blog. :)

God has been very gracious to me.  He has allowed me to encourage others with my life experiences.  He is an awesome God who has comforted me during so many hurtful times in my life.  He has helped me get past pain and to focus on truth and facts and not feelings.  Satan loves us to make agreements with him.  Something that we often do without realizing it.  God wants us and equips us to break those agreements.

I hope you all are enjoying this wonderful fall weather.  I am going back to rest now and get things started for Hunter for school. :)

Sunday, October 24, 2010

In just a week...

I can't believe a week from today I will be *ahem* 35.  That's half way to 40!  I sure don't feel like I'm going to be 35.  I have had a lot of people tell me they thought I was in my 20's. ;)  How sweet. :)  Honestly, every new birthday is a blessing. :) 

In my birthday post next week, I will share with you what I have learned in those 35 yrs. :)

I am reading "Streams in the Desert" right now and wanted to share with you today's devotional.  This book has really been a blessing to me...Thanks Pastor Cliff. :)

"I will make thee a new sharp threshing instrument." Isaiah 41:15

A bar of steel worth five dollars, when wrought into horseshoes, is worth ten dollars.  If made into needles, it is worth three hundred and fifty dollars; if into penknife blades, it is worth thirty-two thousand dollars; if into springs for watches it is worth two hundred and fifty thousand dollars.  What a drilling the poor bar must undergo to be worth this!  But the more it is mainuplated, the more it is hammered, and passed through the fire, and beaten and pounded and polished, the greater the value.

May this parable help us to be silent, still, and longsuffering.  Those who suffer most are capable of yielding most; and it is through pain that God is getting the most out of us, for His glory and the blessing of others.

Oh, give Thy servant patience to be still,
And bear They will;
Courage to venture wholly on the arm
That will not harm;
The wisdom that will never let me stray
Out of my way;
The love that, now afflicting, knoweth best
When I should rest.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

It's Saturday...

I've been sleeping on the couch since I got home from surgery.  I tried to sleep in our bed, but I toss and turn and it really hurt my abdomen, so I went back to the couch...at least for a little while longer...

Every night Hunter comes to sit there before I go to sleep and picks up the tiny cross I keep on the back of the couch.  He runs his fingers across the rough side and then the smooth side.  I tell him that the rough side represents hard times in our lives and the smooth side the good times.  We are ready for more of the smooth side. But, I know that God uses the hard times in our lives to refine us as gold.  He wants us to shine like His Son. 

Hunter was able to get out of the house and take a break from helping me.  He and the captain are going out to lunch and then to the grocery store.  I'm just relaxing (lol) and working on healing. :)  I think he is going to pick up Panera for me for supper tonight. My favorite! :)

Enjoy your Saturday...it's a great time of year.  Enjoy it with your family and make many memories that they will keep with them for always...

Friday, October 22, 2010

Having a hard time...

This recovery has been difficult for me...I have much joy knowing that I am now cancer free, but the pain and discomfort associated with the recovery is hard.  It's also hard to not be allowed to do anything.  I have been in this house for about 8 days and can't leave until Wed. My family has been so good at picking up the slack, but my poor husband is having a hard time doing the things I did like grocery shopping, etc.  Hunter has done a good job cleaning, but I can tell he is so over it. ;)  My mind is very spacey right now, probably due to lingering anesthesia...I don't feel like myself.  I feel like I can't focus or concentrate very well.  I try to say things and my sentence doesn't always make sense. :(  I am trying to remember that I am supposed to focus on healing and my recovery, but I feel like I'm missing out on life.  I can't even hug my husband real good because of the stitches, pain, etc.  Please pray for us.  This is a rough season for us mentally.  I just kinda feel alone...I know God will see us through to the other side of this and that's what keeps me at peace.  My husband said this will be our most memorable anniversary yet. I think he's right...

Belief, not understanding...

"Said I not unto thee, that, if thou wouldest believe, thou shouldest see the glory of God?" (John 11:40).

Mary and Martha could not understand what their Lord was doing. Both of them said to Him, "Lord, if thou hadst been here, my brother had not died." Back of it all, we seem to read their thought: "Lord, we do not understand why you have stayed away so long. We do not understand how you could let death come to the man whom you loved. We do not understand how you could let sorrow and suffering ravage our lives when your presence might have stayed it all. Why did you not come? It is too late now, for already he has been dead four days!"

And to it all Jesus had but one great truth: "You may not understand; but I tell you if you believe, you will see."
Abraham could not understand why God should ask the sacrifice of the boy; but he trusted. And he saw the glory of God in his restoration to his love.

Moses could not understand why God should keep him forty years in the wilderness, but he trusted; and he saw when God called him to lead forth Israel from bondage.

Joseph could not understand the cruelty of his brethren, the false witness of a perfidious woman, and the long years of an unjust imprisonment; but he trusted, and he saw at last the glory of God in it all.

Jacob could not understand the strange providence which permitted the same Joseph to be torn from his father's love, but he saw the glory of God when he looked into the face of that same Joseph as the viceroy of a great king, and the preserver of his own life and the lives of a great nation.

And so, perhaps in your life. You say, "I do not understand why God let my dear one be taken. I do not understand why affliction has been permitted to smite me. I do not understand the devious paths by which the Lord is leading me. I do not understand why plans and purposes that seemed good to my eyes should be baffled. I do not understand why blessings I so much need are so long delayed.

Friend, you do not have to understand all God's ways with you. God does not expect you to understand them. You do not expect your child to understand, only believe. Some day you will see the glory of God in the things which you do not understand.--J. H. McC ~Streams in the Desert

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Pathology report...

I got the final pathology report for my hysterectomy today...I am officially CANCER FREE! Yay! Praise God. :)  It is a relief to know...I am a cancer survivor! :)

Peaceful stillness...

When winds are raging o'er the upper oceans,
And billows wild contend with angry roar,
'Tis said, far down beneath the wild commotion,
That peaceful stillness reigneth evermore

Far, far beneath, the noise of tempest dieth,
And silver waves chime ever peacefully,
And no rude storm, how fierce soe'er it flieth,
Disturbs the Sabbath of that deeper sea

So to the heart that knows Thy love, O Purest,
There is a temple sacred evermore,
And all the babble of life's angry voices
Dies in hushed silence at it's peaceful door

Far, far away, the roar of passion dieth,
And loving thoughts rise calm and peacefully,
And no rude storm, how fierce soe'er it flieth,
Disturbs the soul that dwells, O Lord, in Thee.
~Harriet Beecher Stowe

I have had a lot to time to ponder things.  Being laid up from surgery can do that to ya. ;)  I am so thankful for His peace.  I am so thankful for His comfort during this recovery and healing process.  Our God is so good.  

I looked out the window today and it seems I missed some of the leaves falling.  There are leaves everywhere out there. :)  It's fun to listen to the chickens run around on them.  Crunch...crunch. :)  I really love this time of year.  It seems like it's going by so fast though.  My birthday will be here in 11 days.  Sheesh.  It's just flying by. I want to savor the colors and the crisp air.  I think I may take a short walk around our homestead today so I can enjoy it. :)

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Slowly but surely and anniversary...

I am getting along.  It has been hard to just rest, but I need it.  I am still sore a bit and can't stand for very long in one place.  I've been walking the house and then resting afterwords.  I can't wait to be fully recovered. :)

I was told that the doctor said I had nice anatomy and that she could point out all my parts clearly to a student who was in the operating room. :)  That sorta made me laugh...Glad I could be of use while I was knocked out. LOL.  I go in for my follow up appt on the 27th to see how I am healing.  I hope it is well.

Today is another day of rest for me.  It is day 5 of recovery.  It's been nice to relax actually. :)  But, part of me feels guilty about the captain doing dishes and such.  Hunter has been a great help.  He did several loads of laundry yesterday.

Today is also the captain and I's 14th anniversary! :)  I am blessed to have a husband who is a provider, protector, and leader.  We have been through many ups and downs together and he has always been strong.  We met at a movie theater we worked at while in high school.  I would always be cold and he would warm my hands up with his. :)  He was very sweet unlike the other young men I knew at the time.  He was a gentleman and mature for his age. We met when I was 18 and he was 16.  We got married when I was 20 (almost 21) and he was 19.  Ten months later, we had Hunter. :)  It has been wonderful keeping God in the middle of our marriage.  It's the only way. :)

Sunday, October 17, 2010


I am still in quite a bit of pain, but I am able to move around the house now.  Please pray that my recovery is smooth and that God would have mercy on me with this pain.  I will still praise Him if He doesn't ease this pain, but it would sure be nice. ;)

It's been nice spending some time with the captain, even if it's under these circumstances...And it's been nice to rest.  Doing some reading and watching some tv *gasp* :)  I like Survivor Man, Dukes of Hazzard, and stuff like that.  I normally don't watch tv until the captain comes home in the evening.  Well, I'm off to get some rest.  Hope you all had a great weekend.

God is going to test me with delays; and with the delays will come suffering, but through it all stands God's pledge: His new covenant with me in Christ, and His inviolable promise of every lesser blessing that I need. The delay and the suffering are part of the promised blessing; let me praise Him for them today; and let me wait on the Lord and be of good courage and He will strengthen my heart. --C. G. Trumbull

Friday, October 15, 2010

I'm home...

I'm home and in some of the worst pain I've ever had...Worse than having my chest sawed open and worse than delivery Hunter with no pain meds.  Wow....I wasn't expecting to hurt this bad.  They did find endometriosis on the ovary we wanted to keep, so she had to take it, but left the other.  I know it will pass, but I just hope to receive mercy from our Father.  Going to bed now...

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Tomorrow is the big day...(again)

This time tomorrow I should be out of surgery.  I will be so glad to get this all behind me.  It will be different this time, with a lot less people there with me.  It will only be my husband and I.  I reckon that's ok. :)  And yes, I know that God will be there with me, too.  He will cradle me while the doctor does her work.  How comforting is that! :)  I pray He touches my body to keep it settled after surgery, also.  I just want to feel ok when I wake up...I will carry a little wooden cross in my pocket as I venture into this next phase.

Sit still...

"And He shall bring it to pass."  Psalm 37:5

I once thought that after I prayed that is was my duty to do everything that I could do to bring the answer to pass.  He taught me a better way, and showed that my self-effort always hindered His working, and that when I prayed and definitely believed Him for anything, He wanted me to wait in the spirit of praise only do what He bade me.  It seems so unsafe to just sit still, and do nothing but trust the Lord; and the temptation to take the battle into our own hands is often tremendous.

We all know how impossible it is to rescue a drowning man who tries to help his rescuer. It is equally impossible for the Lord to fight out battles for us when we insist upon trying to fight them ourselves.  It is not that He will not, but He cannot. Our interference hinders His working.

Spiritual forces cannot work while earthly forces are active...
It takes God time to answer prayer.  We often fail to give God a chance in this respect.  It takes time for God to paint a rose.  It takes time for God to grow an oak.  It takes time for God to make bread from wheat fields.  He takes the earth. He pulverizes.  He softens.  He enriches.  He wets with showers and dews.  He warms with life.  He gives the blade, the stock, the amber grain, and then at last the bread for the hungry.

All this takes time.  Therefore, we sow, and till, and wait, and trust, until all God's purpose has been wrought out.  We give God a chance in this matter of time.  We need to learn this same lesson in our prayer life.  It takes God time to answer prayer..."Streams in the Desert"

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Getting ready (again)

I've been doing some things around the house today.  Surprisingly, I've had some energy despite the lack of food. (Clear liquids only today and tomorrow)  I cleaned the woodstove and painted it, did the dishes, vacuumed, and got the chickens all fed.  Tomorrow will be less work because it will be day two without food. :)  Hunter mopped the floors today.  The weather today was just beautiful.  Another day with the windows open. :)

I'm resting tonight and just cozying up on the couch enjoying the company of the captain.  He has been helpful the last few days and will be following my surgery.  We have been through a lot together in our almost 14 yrs of marriage (Oct 19th)  God has brought us through many things and brought us closer together. :)

I'm praying for good sleep as I need it.  Trying to keep up my strength for surgery.  Thank you for your continued prayers in that matter...

His way...

"Cease meddling with God's plans and will.  You touch anything of His, and you mar the work.  You may move the hands of a clock to suit you, but you do not change the time; so you may hurry the unfolding of God's will, but you harm and do not help the work.  You can open a rosebud, but you spoil the flower.  Leave all to Him. Hands down. Thy will, not mine." ~Stephen Merritt

                  His Way
God bade me go when I would stay
(Twas cool within the wood);
I did not know the reason why.
I heard a boulder crashing by
Across the path where I stood.

He bade me stay when I would go;
"Thy will be done," I said
They found one day at early dawn,
Across the way I would have gone,
A serpent with a mangled head

No more I ask the reason why,
Although I may not see
The path ahead, His way I go;
For though I know not, He doth know,
And will choose safe paths for me.
~The Sunday School Times

It can be difficult for us to stay in His will.  I know for me, there are so many things I want to change.  But, I have to remember it is the way He chooses it to be.  Everything that has happened in my life is done with His permission.  I must trust that He knows best and His intentions are to purify me. When you come to that realization, life becomes more enjoyable. You start to see the little sweet things He gives to balance out some of the pain. Like this when I walked out the back door this morning just to smell the fresh cool air...

It made me smile. :)  Silly kitty.  God gives us all memories to store away to ponder on when things are rough. I am thankful for that.  Our God loves us so deeply and He doesn't find joy when we are suffering.  He wants to comfort us and help us.  Knowing He is there to care for me during my suffering brings me a lot of peace.  I am thankful He will be with me Thursday during surgery and afterwords.  I will most definitely need His strength when I come out of surgery...

No matter the circumstances, in the end, I want it His way...

Monday, October 11, 2010

Surgery date...

Finally got a date for the rescheduling of my surgery...it's this Thurs the 14th. :)  It will be morning or afternoon.  She is not sure what time yet. LOL  Wow...the uncertainty is always fun...not. :)  But, at least I get to get it done Thurs and won't have to suffer in this pain anymore that has been going on for 11 days. Oh my, it's been some of the worst pain I've had in this realm of my life.  Makes it very difficult to move and get things done without cringing.  I have a lot of cleaning to do and I need to get to the grocery store.  But, at least after this ordeal I will be able to rest.  I sure need it...This is the last step in getting this cancer behind me and moving forward. Lord, give me the strength to fight this battle...

*update on time...I have to be at the hospital at 6 am to have surgery at 7:30.  I'm so glad I got the 7:30 slot. I won't have to go through lunch again with no food. :)  

To His glory...

Christ is building His kingdom with earth's broken things.  Men want only the strong, the successful, the victorious, the unbroken, in building their kingdoms; but God is the God of the unsuccessful, of those who have failed.  Heaven is filling with earth's broken lives, and there is no bruised reed that Christ cannot take and restore to glorious blessedness and beauty.  He ca take the life crushed by pain or sorrow and make it into a harp whose music shall be all praise.  He can lift earth's saddest failure up to heaven's glory. ~ J.R. Miller

We all have suffered at one time or another in our life.  I certainly have.  I have suffered from sexual abuse as a child, being made fun of for being too pale, suffered emotional stress in the beginning of our marriage, from physical pain and weakness, from losing loved ones, and more recently, suffering incredible amounts of physical pain for 11 days straight.  BUT, there is one who is close to the brokenhearted.  He suffered also.  In fact, He suffered the ultimate by sacrificing Himself for all of us.  He is Christ Jesus. Because of His death on the cross, He is able to rescue us from the punishment of sin.  He has taken our sin upon Him so that we may live. How absolutely joyous is that! Because of Christ, we now have comfort in our suffering.  Because of Christ, we will reign with Him in glory where there is no more suffering or death.  Amen! He is the great I AM.  He is our Father.  He is powerful against the powers of darkness.  We can seek shelter in His wings. Because of His love for me and all He has given, I choose to live a life pleasing to Him.  I am not perfect.  But, it is my desire to strive to please my heavenly Father.

I do not get angry with Him because of my lot in life.  Why would I?  It is He who has given me my cup. I may not think what's in my cup is great, but I do know that it is the One who loves me that gives it to me.  So, because I trust Him, I accept what He hands me in the cup.  He knows best.  I don't see the big picture of my life. He does.  It may seem strange to me the things He chooses to give and take, but that is only because I see right in front of me.  As His child, I trust that He takes care of me as a Father would.

So many blessings He sets before me.  He knows what I like and some things He gives just because He knows it will cheer me up. :)  Like a sunset with the vibrant colors, fall colors on leaves, the smell of cornfields in the summer evenings, the sound of wrens, the fluttering of swallows that swoop by me when I'm mowing, the smell of an old barn, an unexpected hug, a kind word of encouragement...gosh I could go on and on. :)  He does provide, amen! 

There is a day when our life here will end and we will see His face if we are believers.  Until that day, He gives us opportunities to grow and reach others for Him, to learn from the lessons He provides, and to become more and more like Christ.  I'm still learning and growing through trials, joy, sorrow, and thanksgiving.  He is worthy...

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Maple Walnut Cake...

I made this cake yesterday for a bonfire at a friends house.  It is actually pretty good for you.  It is sweetened with dates and maple syrup.  Give it a try, you'll be glad you did. :) Since I have Celiac, I used a gluten free flour blend for it and it turned out great. :) 

You can find the recipe here...(you may have to copy and paste)

There were a lot of people there at the bonfire/cookout.  It was nice to relax by the fire.  The smell of a campfire always comforts me.  There's just something about it...Hunter had a blast shooting off a potato gun and an air gun where you put empty bottles over it and it shoots them up into the air.  He helped entertain the little ones, too.

Tonight we are going to our Fall Festival at church.  Another great night to relax around the fire.  Hunter will have fun with the Monster truck ride. :)  And we of course will enjoy all the good food. ;)

If your weather is as nice as ours, I pray you get to enjoy it.  It is so wonderful right now...that warm sunshine is sure good for my heart. :)

Saturday, October 9, 2010

Fun, fun!

Today I got a special treat. :) I got to mark off one of the things off my bucket list....a motorcycle ride!  Thanks to a generous friend offering to help with this.  Here is a couple pics of my adventure...:)

It was a great ride...I can see how some people could fall asleep on the back.  The sound of the engine was very soothing to me.  I was glad I took him on his advice to put my hair in a ponytail...it was very windy. ;)  I've got a lot of hair and it sure would have been a mess if I left it down. lol.

I enjoyed seeing the country side via back of a motorcycle. :)  I was thankful for this blessing and other blessings today.  It was a good day...

Horseback riding...

Yesterday Hunter had horseback riding.  He did well.  I enjoyed a little bit myself.  I really love it.  I love the sound of the leather creaking in the saddle as the horse walks.  It is a wonderful thing to me. :)  I thought I'd share some pictures of our riding...

I just love everything about riding.  I wish I could do it more...

"Some hearts, like evening primroses, open more beautifully in the shadows of life."

Friday, October 8, 2010

Bucket list...

To see Montana, go on a cruise, ride on a motorcycle, sleep next to a campfire all night again, go muddin', eat something I haven't tried yet, horseback ride more, squish my toes in mud. :)  This is just some of my bucket list...

Tomorrow I get to cross one of those off! :)  I get to ride on a motorcycle tomorrow! Yay! Someone has generously offered to take me on a ride and I can't wait.  I've never done it before.  I've road on dirt bikes and 4 wheelers, but never on the back of a motorcycle.  Part of me is a little scared, but excited at the same time.  Look out...I might want to learn to drive one next....lol...

I've got chores to do in the morning and then we are meeting at 2 to hit the road for a bit.  Looking forward to this new little adventure...

Both sorrow and joy...

I have been through the valley of weeping,
The valley of sorrow and pain;
But the "God of all comfort" was with me,
At hand to uphold and sustain

As the earth needs the clouds and sunshine,
Our souls need both sorrow and joy;
So He places us oft in the furnace,
The dross from the gold to destroy

When He leads thro' some valley of trouble,
His omnipotent hand we trace;
For the trials and sorrow He sends us,
Are part of His lessons in grace

Oft we shrink from the purging and pruning,
Forgetting the Husbandman knows
That the deeper the cutting and paring,
The richer the cluster that grows

Well He knows that affliction is needed;
He has a wise purpose in view,
And in the dark valley He whispers,
"Hereafter Thou'lt know what I do"

So we'll follow wherever He leadeth,
Let the path be dreary or bright;
For we've proved that our God can give comfort;
Our God can give songs in the night

If any of you suffer from an illness, physical pain, heartache, or a loss, I hope you can find this poem an encouragement.  I hope it can help you to stand strong during storms knowing that God wants holiness to come from brokenness.  He desires righteousness and He takes us through many valleys so He can make us more like Him.  I have definitely learned this throughout my life.  God has allowed suffering in my life, but I know it is for a purpose.  To refine me. God is near...

Good morning...

I woke up to a beautiful morning.  Fog lingered in the field across the road.  This picture doesn't really capture it very well, but I tried. :)

Hunter has horseback riding today.  Unfortunately, it's not as close as it used to be.  It was about 10 min from us.  They had to move the horses and now they are about 40 min away. :( 

Here is a goofy picture of Hunter and our kitten Socks...

And of course I can't leave out our VERY lazy Doberman, Magnum...

Hoping to hear from the doctor today for a for sure surgery date.  I'm ready to get this over and done and then to be able to focus on recovery.  I have plenty to read now.  I also want to try and get some more recipes written down for a main menu I'm working on.

The leaves are starting to change.  They aren't as vibrant as they were last year, probably because of the warm weather we are having.  I enjoy their beauty all the same. :)  Soon we will be warming ourselves by the woodstove and "hibernating" until Spring. 

I want to leave you today with another quote from "Streams in the Desert"...
"If you are ever to be strong in the Lord and the power of His might, your strength will be born in some storm."

Storms surround us.  They can disorient us and cause us to lose sight of the Anchor.  But, storms can also help us grow stronger.  Like I always say, our roots grow deeper the harder the wind blows...We may feel like we are alone.  But, we are all under the same moon, sun, and stars.  And we are all connected to our loved ones through memories and the Lord that created us.  Christ wants to take us to the "other side of the lake" through the storm.  He doesn't want to take us to the middle of the lake only to let us drown...

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Gorgeous weather...

It's October 7th and the weather has been phenomenal.  It's supposed to be 80 today and Saturday is supposed to be 87.  The warm sunshine feels so good on my hurting body and my mending heart.  It's amazing what a little sunshine can do for ya. :) 

Trying to get a lot done around this house before my surgery again. I need to get the chicken coop clean, dust, vacuum, put up some more meals in the freezer, etc. 

Woke up in a lot of pain this morning.  It's a good reminder of the blessing this surgery will be.  Yesterday I felt like I didn't have much fight left in me.  I just felt like the wind was taken out of my sails and I had no desire to get strong for surgery.  This week has been emotionally difficult, but also joyous.  Today is better and I feel like I got some of my gumption back.  I received a book in the mail from a stranger in a way (we are friends on facebook and he is a pastor)  He has noticed that I have had a bit of a tough go and wanted to send me a book called "Streams in the Desert" that gave encouragement in suffering.  He thought it would be a good book for me.  He had no idea just how much.  I love it.  It has helped me tremendously already and I am grateful God laid it on his heart to send it to me.  It has helped give me strength in my suffering and to realize God has a purpose for it all...

Hunter is doing very well in his program at the library.  He says he actually looks forward to going.  He is doing sound effects for the "movie" they are making.  He is in a room with mostly college students and some high school.  He ended up being the youngest one and they took him in and are very kind to him and impressed with his knowledge of technology.

I will leave you today with a quote from the book "Streams in the Desert"...
"When we have exhausted our store of endurance,
When our strength has failed ere the day is half done,
When we reach the end of our hoarded resources
Our Father's full giving has only begun..."

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Biopsy results...

Wow...that was a longgg wait for results...ugh. Good news...there is no residual cancer or spread! :) Praise God! They will be doing surgery on the 14th tentatively to prevent the return of the cancer. If not that day, then the 21st. More waiting...Thank you for all the prayers! I will be glad to have all this cancer stuff behind me. :)  No chemo for me! :) 
It's been a heck of a week....

Stand up...

Stand up in the place where the dear Lord has put you, and there do your best. God gives us trial tests. He puts life before us as an antagonist face to face. Out of the buffeting of a serious conflict we are expected to grow strong. The tree that grows where tempests toss its boughs and bend its trunk often almost to breaking, is often more firmly rooted than the tree which grows in the sequestered valley where no storm ever brings stress or strain. The same is true of life. The grandest character is grown in hardship.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010


I'm still waiting for my biopsy results.  It looks like I should get them tomorrow sometime and then we can move forward with the rescheduling of my surgery.  Not sure when it will be, but hopefully this month.

I made some ham and potato soup tonight and it was scrumptious. :)  I will post the recipe tomorrow.  I'm still trying to get things ready for surgery (again) and taking advantage of the extra time I have.  I will be cleaning out the chicken coop this week.  I'd like to treat myself to a hair trim Thurs. We'll see....

Hunter has been a sweetheart to me as of late.  Yesterday he brought in the groceries and put them away for me without me even asking.  He's been trying to cheer everyone up around here. :) Such a gentleman.  He went to visit the widow up the road and took our little kitten with him to show her.  Pretty awesome for a 13 yr old I think. ;)

We will be burning in the woodstove soon.  The nights have been chilly.  But, it won't be this week.  Tomorrow is supposed to be 80 and nice the next day, too.  I am savoring this wonderful weather while I can. :)  Pretty soon I'll be stuck in the house recovering...

Enjoy your evening and remember to lift your loved ones up in prayer tonight...we all need a special touch from the Lord who sustains us and readies us for battle...


"I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content" (Phil. 4:11).

Paul, denied of every comfort, wrote the above words in his dungeon. A story is told of a king who went into his garden one morning, and found everything withered and dying. He asked the oak that stood near the gate what the trouble was. He found it was sick of life and determined to die because it was not tall and beautiful like the pine. The pine was all out of heart because it could not bear grapes, like the vine. The vine was going to throw its life away because it could not stand erect and have as fine fruit as the peach tree. The geranium was fretting because it was not tall and fragrant like the lilac; and so on all through the garden. Coming to a heart's-ease, he found its bright face lifted as cheery as ever. "Well, heart's-ease, I'm glad, amidst all this discouragement, to find one brave little flower. You do not seem to be the least disheartened." "No, I am not of much account, but I thought that if you wanted an oak, or a pine, or a peach tree, or a lilac, you would have planted one; but as I knew you wanted a heart's-ease, I am determined to be the best little heart's-ease that I can."

"Others may do a greater work,
But you have your part to do;
And no one in all God's heritage
Can do it so well as you."

They who are God's without reserve, are in every state content; for they will only what He wills, and desire to do for Him whatever He desires them to do; they strip themselves of everything, and in this nakedness find all things restored an hundredfold.

Monday, October 4, 2010

A gentle woman...

"A gentle and quiet spirit is not only imperishable; it is precious in the sight of God. It's also one of the hardest qualities to cultivate. Far from a sign of weakness, a gentle and quiet spirit is the sign of a woman who is strong in faith, mind and character."

---From the book So Much More by Anna Sofia and Elizabeth Botkin

My heart is still heavy...

My heart is still heavy this morning.  I am just having a hard time wrapping my mind around what happened.  I went from having a relationship with my "dad" with laughter, encouragement, being there for my surgery on Thurs (which meant a lot) and finally feeling comfortable enough to talk to him, to him being cut out of our life without any warning.  Just broke off.  No explanation as to why it happened.  Just that the relationship he had with all of us was not allowed to continue if he wanted to save his marriage.  I'm assuming she didn't approve anymore and that was the end of that.  So sad.  Even if she changes her mind again, my husband said there is no way for our sanity that we could ever resume a relationship with him in fear of being broken again.  He is trying to protect me.  I think I do need protected.  I guess I was naive and never saw this coming again.

This is where I have to dig down deep to find some contentment in this situation, because I am not at all content about it.  But, I know that the captain and I can lean on each other to get through this once again.  But, it hurts. I have all these memories in my house that remind me of our "dad"  A picnic table he gave us, something he made for my birthday (which he will never be able to give me another gift), a tiny cross he made for me to have right before surgery, and gifts he made our son. (who is upset and confused) I will cherish them all, but it just hurts to be reminded of the love he shared with us, knowing he will never be able to express that again this side of heaven.  I hurt for him. He won't know my test results if they are positive or negative. He won't be able to have any part of the next phase in my life. :(

I know time heals a lot of wounds and this will take time to heal.  My husband isn't as upset as he said he knew this day would come.  I had more hope I guess...

I won't write about this situation again.  I can't.  I have to move forward and it is difficult if I write about it. I have a lot to work on such as being angry that this is happening again and to be content with something I have no control over.  It's been a rough few months in this household.  We are struck down, but not destroyed. 

"We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed , but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed." 1 Cor 4:8-10

Sunday, October 3, 2010

How to be a lady...

Sometimes I hate adding words to these beautiful images like the one above because I feel the picture portrays so much of what I'd like to say already!

But it is important to share the complete picture with you on what is is to be a lady and how to be one. This will be the first of many posts regarding this subject as I feel this subject desperately needs to be revived today and not only that but I do believe there are vast amounts of women who'd in their hearts desire to be so.

Being lady-like has two realms---the physical and the interior. On the physical side---we should seek to:

1. Carry ourselves with good posture not slouching.
2. Dress modestly.
3. Look clean and well kept (hair, nails, etc).
4. Clothes in good repair.
5. Dress femininely.
6. Smell lovely.
7. Peaceful countenance and joyful demeanor.

There are many ways to improve oneself in learning to become more ladylike. Walking with a book on your head helps you to learn to walk more gracefully. There are great books on manners and social graces that can teach a women to behave properly. Women should not burp or hiccup in public and if they accidentally do they should blush and quickly apologize. Once a lovely young girl (25 years old) and I were talking and she got a case of the hiccups and not once did she try to cover her mouth. They were loud and rude and quite unbecoming for she was very beautiful, yet her mother had never taught her to do this one simple thing.

One thing I have learned over time is if you carry yourself like a lady, others will begin to treat you like a lady. Try your best to practice good manners and etiquette at home so it will be normal for you when you are in public.

The interior of a women should be graced with many things, let's take a look:

1. A Gentle and Quiet Spirit
2. Love, joy, peace, patience
3. Discretion
4. Unselfishness
5. Purity
6. Humility
7. Kindness, Goodness and faithfullness
8. Self-control
9. Sobriety
10. Grace and mercy
11. Godly character

Discretion is a great topic that mothers should work hard on teaching their daughters and making sure they have acquired it themselves. A woman with discretion is careful to say things in turn and not out of turn. They will not say anything to offend or to humiliate another or have a cheap laugh at another's expense. They will not gossip and share with others the private lives of those they love dearly but instead they will seek to fiercely protect them. They will not talk openly about sexual matters to the general public in a lewd way for that is unbecoming and they also would be careful not to share (graphically) what they do in private with their husbands, for they know that is sacred not to be shared with the world.

Surely these lists are not exhaustive, but instead a great starting point. Nothing mars being lady-like than a lack of the list above. If we are loud, rude and selfish we imitate less than the lady we were meant to be. If we are prideful and selfish no one can see the miraculous work of God which makes us lovely. If we live our lives in fear or being bitter it steals our natural beauty and diverts and removes the attention on Christ.
~From A Wise Woman Builds Her Home

What to do with a broken heart?

Sigh...my heart is broken today.  A relationship that was dear to me has been cut off.  I have had a lot of things in my cup that I don't like, but I will remain strong in saying that what's in my cup isn't always pleasant or good, but the hand that holds it, is good.  I just hate feeling like I was punched in the stomach out of nowhere...

I will miss the contact, love, wisdom, and encouragement.  I will let Him help me through this just like I let Him help me with my health.  I am sorry that he won't be there for my next surgery with encouragement and support.  It was such a gift to me for him to be there for the last one.

God is near the brokenhearted.  Rest in Him, as will I...

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Lazy day...

It's Saturday and it's raining. :(  We were going to try and go garage saling, but with the rain, we might not be able to.  Maybe it will clear up in a bit...

Still very tired today...but the good news is that I have been sleeping well at night ever since getting anesthesia for the biopsies. lol.  I even slept unitl 8 this morning *gasp* ;) 

I guess I am just going to take advantage of the tiredness and rest most of the day.  I hope everyone enjoys their weekend. :)  I'm sure gonna try. :)

Friday, October 1, 2010


I went yesterday to have my hysterectomy. I was to have a biopsy first in the OR and check to see if there was any residual cancer or if it spread. They were to look at it right then and if it was positive, they were not going to proceed and send me to Peoria to a gyn/onc, if it was negative, she would go ahead with the LAVH.(Laparoscopiclly assisted vaginal hysterectomy)
They did the biopsy and the pathologist decided right then that he didn't want to look at it in the OR and to instead take his time looking at it and have the results by Mon. (hopefully) So, unfortunately I was not able to have surgery yesterday because we didn't have any results. :( I'm not sure when surgery will be now, it depends on the results of the biopsy. Talk about a lesson in contentment....

There were a lot of lessons in patience and contentment yesterday.  I will admit, when I woke up from the biopsy and knew that they had not taken what I went there for, I started to cry.  I didn't want to suffer with anymore pain and here I was in a lot of pain in that area again.  It was all still there...I won't know what's next until I get results on Monday (Lord willing) and can make plans to move on then.  I am VERY thankful for all the prayers you have prayed and I hope you continue to pray.

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